Everything just boils down at me. Things did not went as I wanted it to,
I'm racing against the time, perhaps in the wrong direction, the biggest problem is the lack of clear direction and strategy.

(Will continue from this post some days as I dive further to search for the answer and also the format for is blogger is weird and spoi my mood for blogging -.-)Expectations And Anticipations 0 comments

There's physics Olympiad training today. The teacher told us that we are going to cover all the 'O' and 'A' level syllabus for physics plus some university topics, within 4 sessions! It is rather ridiculous and it is the first time that I have gone through such a bulletspeend lecture that I learn very little after the 2h session. I felt very disturbed that I cannot understand at all, though I understand a little that others don't, and felt quite high and exhilarated, not because that I am sadistic and like it when others are below, it's just that it can defeat the assertion that I am naturally slow, lols.

But as I think through, everyone should be able to understand any difficult concept, if they have the right attitude, in a short time. Our intelligence may differ from one another, but if you see, it isn;t significant. So stop saying that you are slow, when you don;t even try. I am sure that those people who can understand had tried hard.

And through the physics beyond the syllabus, I start to see the beauty and purpose of everything else, like trigonometry, differentiation and geometry, because they are so often used in the abstract physics, and they are essential too! I regretted not knowing some concepts earlier. It was only today that I realised whatever force we exerted on anything, the same amount is exerted back and you had to overcome it to move it, and many common ideas, that I had also see and understand it in the wrong way in the past. I really love physics and mathematics, especially!

Then the teacher share with us that usually those Ip school will have a higher percentage of students winning the medals because they are more prepared, given the best resources and talents and time. So unfair. But then, I also believe in self-study and self-read, lols, I should have been determined to read beyond our syllabus years ago!

At home, I eat a lot, while I'm against my soul and conscience. Just for one moment of exhilaration, I suffered quite a lot with intense pain of stomache and discomfort, should have listen to my inner voice.

Then while thinking it was quite unfair for those Ip school to gain so much, I start to think about the environment too. It seem that those parent who are committed, witty and capable often produce better children. Such that my mother ofter cook so much and coerced me to eat to satisfy her, and I was growing fat as a result. And my family, in my opinion, often give up easily in hard times. i was wondering if I could be influenced by them negatively. But then I make my own choice and is endowed by independent will, so I am responsible for what ever that happen to me.

Don't blame anymore,

I decided to write out my first draft of personal mission statement by tomorrow and buy five notebooks to motivate myself to observe, read, write, research and learn beyond the four walls of the classroom. My life is beyond 'O' level, academics, passions, relationships or kinship.

I would want to explore other interests like psychology, economics, wisdom literature and philosophy, apart from languages, mathematics, sciences and humanities beyond the syllabus. I also want to record my experiences and write and review to have better self-awareness and gain new insights and learn!

I want to learn a new concept/theory of any category, new vocabulary everyday! I will write down too.



Of course, I don't just study, I find time to discover myself, build stronger relationships and strengthen my other athletic, artistic or life-skills talents.

Life is one whole piece, synergise it! My everyday would be so fulfilled and meaningfully enjoyable.

This way life will be fulfilled and a sense of fulfillment will replace the haunting emptiness.

My promise for myself on a daily basis:

1. Will communicate with my soul, visualise and record my reflections and experiences.

2. Will spend at least 1h to strengthen my concept and practise in mathematics.

3. Will learn at least 5 new words/phrases in English and Chinese each.

4. Will think through and enhance understanding of an abstract concept in various field daily, not restricted to the syllabus. Learn a new concept every week (at least).

5. Will revise my works and ensures that I'll on the right track to EOY- practise and do whatever it is required for my 10A1s, make it a daily effort.


6. Plan weekly and spend some time reading motivational book.

7. Above all, I aimed to fulfilled my other committments apart from my academics, like my ccas and piano, physical and social development.Understanding Physics/Independent Will 0 comments

I think my previous posts are rather messy, because they are typed out so rushly and I can't really expressed my feelings properly -.-

Short and sweet, hahas.

Haiz, see , like no time to think and blog things out....

I'm beginning to see the mission of my life.

That is to become an inpsiring figure that people can look to, and bring out the best in every individuals.

Such that,
I am an ordinary person with extraordinary abilities,
With an incredibly unique story of mine behind me,
Apart from the tremondous success I have achieved,
Which had I suffered the many hardships,
Endured those pain and overcome so endless obstacles,
With such persistence, courage, determination and self-confidence,
And not once succumb to those fears and lost in social scripting,
Always believe in my own principles and my impassioned vision,
Also reach out to the deprived, the lost, and the poor,
To impart them my power such that they can make a difference,
And my life story will serve as an inspiration to the many,

That why's every single day has its story to tell and worth a piece to write, a memory to retain. That's why my everyday counts. That why's I am working so hard for it.

Inspiring Figure 0 comments

Probably is not going to study in class anymore.... cos I got disturbed by haozhe in class, I chased after him for don't know how long for my handphone, think I should have catch him but was tired laughing. He then keep joking about my sms, lols. And Mars gang up with him to bully me -.- lols this was yesterday. Then yog teach me damm long for one question and then the physics olympiad training, so fun! Really very enthu for physics leh!

Then the china ppl come to our class and seating arrangement change a little. did not get the opportunity to change my seat but new ppl are seating besides me (:

And... I don;t know if I'm faking stupid or naturally slow... I think I'm both la. Because i can grab concept easily after understanding it but I have to know how.... but something that just no explanation -.-

I'm feeling weird today, very empty, as if I'm not a living thing.

Think I'm psycho, can tell what a person is thinking after observing their actions and expressions. But the irony is that I don't know myself that well. Aint aware of myself.

Went to confront someone, maybe I shouldn't in the first place...

Homeworks still pilling up...

Inexplicably came an intense feeling of longing and a mixture of euphoria and depression,
Transcending into various forms, till beyond recognition and description,
It come and go, and just haunts me, as if I have to do something to soothe it,
A distorted past, A passionate, sustainable love, An unshakeable desire, A destined route,
Emptiness can't be filled, life just seems unfulfilled, no matter I dump how much of my savings,
Will step forward anyway, so fearlessly... then,
And so my real journey began this way, looking for you still
Smiling ever so, I'll face it all, and do it anyway.

I'm feeling exhilarated when you walk with me,
Till the end, the mutual feelings so undeniable,
An extraodinary friendship that will last till eternity,
A passionate and compassionate love with unfanthomable emotions,
A predestined attachment, that can't be break away.

So together we walk, even spiritually, I don't seem to mind,
Because you are non-existent though your presence is felt,
Oh, why is it just an illusion, that felts so real...
Because I have been deceiving myself all along,
There's just me on the path and nobody else.

That's when the emptiness came,
But principles had filled it again,
It doesn't matter if I'm alone,
For I lead my own life,
So gladly that I still look up to you.

Later did I realised that I am actually with my own soul,
And can will I find my soulmates anyway,
Maybe, maybe, life is that funny,
You are quite fun to walk with, huh?

Emptiness 1 comments

Shall blog about my school-life for this week.

Had been sightly quiet during the first few days- because I only want to ask good questions. I don;t know if I will degeniused myself if I stop questioning about things. But to some extent, I will ponder over it first, afterall my mind is inquisitive, hahas.

Had been quite closed up those days- because of self-awareness and don;t know what -.- as if I had tansformed to the me in the past. I was very quiet, reserved and shy in sec 1. I became rather enthusiastic in sec 2. I am of course very very nosy, irritating and talkative in sec 3, sem 1, hahas. Don't want to switch back to the shy me- because it will compromise my social life and not encourage interactions. Lols, my emotinal intelligence is already very low-I need some exposure, hahas.

I usually like to observe others and their reactions to certain phenonmenon, lols. It's pretty cool~

I think the people in my class are very fun and nice! hahas!

There is BAS presentation next sat-I will do a great job! (:

Miss lunch today to study, the 1h and half free period look quite short. Was surprised that the night study programme was cancelled.

I will continue to study intensively from the start of term 3. Will not be distracted, love to focus somehow. And I like to study in class-it's a test of concentration when it's nosiy and can learn much from other people.

Spent about 2h for physics chapter 1: Measurements- so inefficient... ):

Yesterday, yingting asked if how do I have time to study. Had thought of that questions obviously. Realised my mistakes of the past... The fact is that I don't study that often last time...

" Make your choices! Choose all and you will gain nothing, so focus on just one, for you will gain most of it"

yah, one thing at the time. Focus 95% on the present-this is what you can do with it now1st week of Term 3 1 comments

PROFILE
Leishi
2nd June 1994
XMS

10A1s 'O'levels

RJC

Knowledgeable

Performing

Mathematics

Physics

Reading/Discovering

Writing/Literature

Piano

Dance

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• Blog of another kind
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