Saturday, June 27, 2009'♥
dark love ♥
The Revelation of the Unknown part of the Story
" I guess that it's just impossible to know the whole part of the story if one refuses to share, each of us is blessed to have a part unknown and different, but still bears the truth and clarity by one's own insight, and together we made a whole big piece."It seems that the only chance I have is now to blog because there will be a family outing later. ^^ also wanted to thank DcF1337 to help me open up. (:
"Everyone who has a fan, will have a hater. Even the most likeable person will have haters and you have to get used to people hating you if you want to be heard but frankly, most of these haters are just simply Jealous! (:" -DcF1337The rest of the content of this post however, will be quite touchy to some people but I decided to seize the chance to post this with just 4 trusted souls currently who knew about the existence of this blog. Lols, actually have ten people that I can completely trust and to view my blog.
"People often will hide the truth of their opinions of you, and you just cannot tell, making it hard for you to decipher what they truly feel about you- But sometimes it's alright to feel just what people want you to feel~"Jk share with me his part of his story of the May incident in his blog. Just wanted to tell you that it is completely fine that you had that impression of me that time. I am really grateful that you still talk to me in msn and hiding the fact that you don't really like me that time and appreciative that you have become more open, hahas. And that's after knowing about your story that I decided to share mine too (:
(I took a lot of courage to post this -.- Tell me what to censor if necessary... XP)
This is how when everything turned upside down... Me and Jk were gossiping in msn one fine day then we came to talk about bj, then he invited Jon so that I can ask more about him. Aya, story very long la -.- then dont know how bs was invited into the convo. Lols, that's the 1st part where me, jk, wl, jon, bs and ly were like discussing about it... They must be so disgusted about my openness and bluntness that time. I was trying to be funny, yah, I'm disgusted at myself too :x
(That time was just after mye. Actually it's supposed to be my form of entertainment, noticed that it is just after exam -.-)
The story traced back to even earlier, just two week before Mye, one day when exploring facebook, aya, this story also very long la -.- Then I lied to M about who I like- And that's when everything started.... (I later realised that all along, I'm just playing with it, and almost ended up in the real thing -.- it's because I wanted to see what's it like and how it'll turn up, and got into the vacillating emotion of depression and happiness.)
But the not so fun part was when everyone started to be very ***** with me for some period of time.
Because (only now) I can sensed jk's horror and disgust at my bluntness, jon expressing his sianzness and lameness , bs's hostility cos maybe he thought I always got new target and was afraid -.-, ly's displeasure and shockness, M's sympathy, hz's meanness, and bj hiding his awkwardness and disgusted look as well and a lot of people's surprise and disgust. wl was basically my counsellor for the whole incident, hahas.
So, I'm like pressured to either go all the way to finish it or abandon my whole ridiculous game plan. But I did not do anything, because I had mixed feelings due to my own certainty. Part of me feel wrong, the other part think that I should continue the fun.The most awkward part was how van or yt confront me and the tone for the whole convo was very accusative and defensive or how I confront bj and he had to fake his friendliness and hide his anger so that I can mitigate my guilt. But I am still appreciative of how people and bj himself had refused to tell me their badmouthings. (Btw I'm still pretty inspired by your pm that reads: 渴不饮盗泉水，热不息恶木阴, and hope that you can continue to put more chinese phrases like this, lols)
Just wanted to tell you that it's really okay for I would have reacted similarly if I were in your shoes. Realised that you people had been really nice.A month had past.... everything had changed. Things were seemingly back to normal with a few seeds of friendships planted once again after the forest had been destroyed.
I also sincerely would like to apologise to those people who I have hurt and would like to ask for your forgiveness. On my part, I will watch my words and actions as well. I hope you would not be once again disgusted by the openness of this post, it's just that everything has to come to a clear and nice ending, and the unknown part of the story has to be heard (: - but I will save this unpublished if neccessary.
Therefore let's forget about the ugly part of the past, remember where we had once started and celebrate the fact that we have been through so much.Just want you to know that I see you differently now after all these after so many changes XDI see a whole new you, even clearer and cleaner~For myself: " Every little thoughts count, for any decisions made, bear in mind the consequences, for they can't stay undisturbed. When people are involved, that's how the complications swirl, and the done can't be left undone" The Revelation of the Unknown part of the Story
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