Haizya..... Things changed so much.

Although the lessons are getting more and more exciting, it also is quite sianz because I realised that I had gone a lot quiet, and........ there are no topics to talk about to anybody except just asking about homework. Lols, can I return to how and what am I last time?

And maybe the class seating arrangement should change, I want to talk to people I never usually talk before. I believe that there will always be somthing new for me to discover in others.

Siting in the same seat, the most front row, can't see anyone from my view, lols. I actually like to observe people without them noticing because it would be weird, hahas.

Overally, the class was quiet and the atmosphere was cold (sianz), maybe it's because I was just too quiet. Everyone had been more assiduous. Nevermind, I will just walk around to look for entertainment if I'm on the right mode. XPHad I gone quiet? ~ 0 comments

" I'll keep it to myself as knowing is more than half the fun."Knowing something Not Meant to be Known~ 0 comments

Me and my cousins (:

Do you think that I laugh too much? (I can't act normal in front of a camera) Lols! XP



Okay, this will be an exception, no quote by me at the beginning -.-

My second post on the same day, yah...

I receieved a call today, telling me that my piano class has been shifted from 12.30pm to 4pm and is basically very happy because I do not have to miss my other class and have more time to prepare for piano class. Lols, I can also schedule to go for gym on Sun morning! Wow!

Then I went to the buffet from 7pm to 10pm, which I think is a waste of time because it's so far and we only go there to eat and I am coerced to eat as much as I can possibly eat because my mother and aunt say we must earn back the money! -.-

I sit there, eat and eat, and was soon bored, was glad that I can kill time replying Fabian's sms, lols. He's like the only person who will sms me, cos maybe he juz sms that often. XP And I was enjoying myself taking photos for English homework, going to post it next time. (:

I won't be posting tomorrow, I hope because my homework still left maths, english and bio. I did not manage to do anything today -.-

So, I guess I cant post that frequently... hopefully once a week or a fortnight, Haiz....

When term 3 start, everything will be so fast paced... I don't want to be the odd one just waiting there while everyone are pursuing their soul, heheh. Let's just start work, for our dreams!~I Hate buffet~ 0 comments

" I guess that it's just impossible to know the whole part of the story if one refuses to share, each of us is blessed to have a part unknown and different, but still bears the truth and clarity by one's own insight, and together we made a whole big piece."

It seems that the only chance I have is now to blog because there will be a family outing later. ^^ also wanted to thank DcF1337 to help me open up. (:

"Everyone who has a fan, will have a hater. Even the most likeable person will have haters and you have to get used to people hating you if you want to be heard but frankly, most of these haters are just simply Jealous! (:" -DcF1337

The rest of the content of this post however, will be quite touchy to some people but I decided to seize the chance to post this with just 4 trusted souls currently who knew about the existence of this blog. Lols, actually have ten people that I can completely trust and to view my blog.

"People often will hide the truth of their opinions of you, and you just cannot tell, making it hard for you to decipher what they truly feel about you- But sometimes it's alright to feel just what people want you to feel~"

Jk share with me his part of his story of the May incident in his blog. Just wanted to tell you that it is completely fine that you had that impression of me that time. I am really grateful that you still talk to me in msn and hiding the fact that you don't really like me that time and appreciative that you have become more open, hahas. And that's after knowing about your story that I decided to share mine too (:

(I took a lot of courage to post this -.- Tell me what to censor if necessary... XP)

This is how when everything turned upside down... Me and Jk were gossiping in msn one fine day then we came to talk about bj, then he invited Jon so that I can ask more about him. Aya, story very long la -.- then dont know how bs was invited into the convo. Lols, that's the 1st part where me, jk, wl, jon, bs and ly were like discussing about it... They must be so disgusted about my openness and bluntness that time. I was trying to be funny, yah, I'm disgusted at myself too :x

(That time was just after mye. Actually it's supposed to be my form of entertainment, noticed that it is just after exam -.-)

The story traced back to even earlier, just two week before Mye, one day when exploring facebook, aya, this story also very long la -.- Then I lied to M about who I like- And that's when everything started.... (I later realised that all along, I'm just playing with it, and almost ended up in the real thing -.- it's because I wanted to see what's it like and how it'll turn up, and got into the vacillating emotion of depression and happiness.)

But the not so fun part was when everyone started to be very ***** with me for some period of time.

Because (only now) I can sensed jk's horror and disgust at my bluntness, jon expressing his sianzness and lameness , bs's hostility cos maybe he thought I always got new target and was afraid -.-, ly's displeasure and shockness, M's sympathy, hz's meanness, and bj hiding his awkwardness and disgusted look as well and a lot of people's surprise and disgust. wl was basically my counsellor for the whole incident, hahas.

So, I'm like pressured to either go all the way to finish it or abandon my whole ridiculous game plan. But I did not do anything, because I had mixed feelings due to my own certainty. Part of me feel wrong, the other part think that I should continue the fun.

The most awkward part was how van or yt confront me and the tone for the whole convo was very accusative and defensive or how I confront bj and he had to fake his friendliness and hide his anger so that I can mitigate my guilt. But I am still appreciative of how people and bj himself had refused to tell me their badmouthings. (Btw I'm still pretty inspired by your pm that reads: 渴不饮盗泉水，热不息恶木阴, and hope that you can continue to put more chinese phrases like this, lols)

Just wanted to tell you that it's really okay for I would have reacted similarly if I were in your shoes. Realised that you people had been really nice.

A month had past.... everything had changed. Things were seemingly back to normal with a few seeds of friendships planted once again after the forest had been destroyed.

I also sincerely would like to apologise to those people who I have hurt and would like to ask for your forgiveness. On my part, I will watch my words and actions as well. I hope you would not be once again disgusted by the openness of this post, it's just that everything has to come to a clear and nice ending, and the unknown part of the story has to be heard (: - but I will save this unpublished if neccessary.

Therefore let's forget about the ugly part of the past, remember where we had once started and celebrate the fact that we have been through so much.

Just want you to know that I see you differently now after all these after so many changes XD
I see a whole new you, even clearer and cleaner~

For myself: " Every little thoughts count, for any decisions made, bear in mind the consequences, for they can't stay undisturbed. When people are involved, that's how the complications swirl, and the done can't be left undone" The Revelation of the Unknown part of the Story 0 comments

" I was thinking of doing this that night. But when I woke up, I realised it's been just but a dream, but somehow it takes something else more to materialise it."

I was very frustrated this morning because my room has been occupied. I was seldom so petty but it was just because I was so stressed up but I still cant finish my homework today. There's still maths, bio and English left, so I chased my guest away, I was very rude, I know. No wonder, people can hate me.

I have the opportunity to know people just like that who don't care about anything else and believe that they should remain the way as they are though frequently disliked due to one's insensitivity. I used to hate these kind of people though I faced them most often. But I realised that I was just like one of them. So, they are actually acting as my mirror, seeing others in myself. Then I realised that this world doesn't allow man to be an island and that we should try to accommodate others.

Sometimes, I'm just lost, I just don't know what to do in certain situation. That's okay, I will listen. I still can feel.

" See others in myself, See myself in others"

I am very critical of myself right now. When I scanned those evidence that cannot be mistaken in msn history, I realised that I'm so whatever. (my vocab is limited to describe it :P) It's not just msn, maybe I have been doing it in normal conversations. I don't mean all of it, just a few. I'm just disgusted at myself when I tried to look at myself from others' perspective- no wonder... I will like hate myself if I see myself in your perspective. Only a few people who truly understand me won't, because they know I'm like that. I should have known. I'm just easily misunderstood upon the first or second or even third impression, how do I change myself...... I wonder?

I will have to be more sensitive, and doing the right thing at the right time. I have to consider and allow for your own spectrum of openness and freedom of privacy. I wont probe. I wont force things out. I wont do things you don't like me to.

I hope I can won't be so easily misunderstood in the future (:

Lols, I believe that I will make it- simply because you have no idea how much you matter to me~

(Btw, anybody can help me edit my post, as in my language problem, hahas XD)

And yah, went to the gym at 8am (: , but yesterday was better. And I found out that training physically can improve my willpower and concentration, I can study much better, yay!

But if you would like me to choose between jogging for 5km and studying for 5h, I would choose the latter, because I had done it far much longer and better that it become easier, and hopefully my second nature~Social/Emotional Intelligence Deficiency~ 0 comments

" When you are thoroughly drained out, legs' breaking and arms' even more soreful, throat so dry and mental not working, it is this that keeps you going"
I can't remember the exact quote, but this is just roughly what I had experienced.

I did not have the luxury of time to all the things I had planned for today. I woke up at about 10am, do a mindmap of 1 physic chapter for about 30min (only :x), then went to Swenson at 1pm and reached home at 3pm! lols! Time flies so quickly... I had a very heavy lunch and a delightful chocolate crunch ice-cream so delicious that I swear never to eat ice-creams or chocolates in the future- because it can never be ever more delicious!

I went home at 3 and cont. about 5min on physics..... And went to the Gym at 5pm, I had no idea what I had did between 3-5, time is just too fast, but it's slow when you spend it wisely...that's the lovely part~

So I went to the Gym, feeling 'sianz' (a little).... and I started to jog for 5min and soon give up. I realised that 5 min was so long when I exercise.... and I was so tired and had gastric pain, lols. But just then, I was some inspiring figures that ran for so long and I was so impressed and inspired. And their muscles are so well-developed and their bodies so gorgeous- I thought they must have do this for very long and was perplexed at how they can do this. So, I blast my music and ran and ran. And my muscles really ache and my legs breaking, but I actually persisted through for 35minute excluding warming-up, so long that the machine actually stop itself! Then after that, I could not walk properly. The experience had been great- I was pushing and pushing and realised that limits are only an illusion-they are no limits!

So you see, when I first I started I wanted so badly to stop, but as I persisted and move on, and it became easier and more enjoyable, to the extent that I don't want to stop, with gastric pain while running at a speed of 7km/h- yah, it's just average jogging, but I never had persisted so long before. :D and I think I could even be obsessed with it.

The same thing applies to studies or anything you find hard to do. Once you persist, you will get into another mystical level of competency and opening up more doors for self-discovery and accomplishments, where hatred transformed into intense love as a result of your efforts!

So, I should stop asking how peoples do this, do that- why can study so long, why result so good, and blah blah :x Yep, I stop being too interested in these extraordinary peoples and their lives anymore. Because I know I also can be like that~!

And I asked too much, sometimes, it's better to just feel it. hmm... and ponder about this:

"The secret is not to think. We think in words. And what lies beneath the reality we see is a truth that words can't contain. The secret is to feel."- Dean Koontz's "The Husband", pg 254.

Oh well, I should be leading an extraordinary life, if I want to be extraordinary people! Tough that it may seem at the beginning, but bear with it for just for a few moments, and you would see the extraordinary result coming from you beyond your expectations, and realised that how all these had been so worthwhile and that how limits are just illusions.

Maybe that's just the secret that some peoples never realise...

Spent an hours crafting this post, my language still not that proficient ):

Well, I'm motivated to get started. Start today, Start Now, Start small at least!

William Somerset Maugham: Determination Quote
It’s a very funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.Hardest it may be, Easiest it may turn up~! 0 comments

End of Wednesday, 24 June, to think that I actually missed the Primary 6 outing...

Nevermind, I think I should stop daydreaming and thinking about my wishful thinking, lols.

But yesterday convo was rather entertaining and funny for my boring afternoon. I came to know a few peoples in Msn, and actually tell them an entertaining story of mine, without having met them in person. We were actually taking about peoples! Not gossiping exactly, because it is more of praising and comparing, but I actually got bored after talking about it for so long. Then I was thinking about the May incident, the storyline was very interesting, maybe someday I could tell you XP. Then I started to kind of regret me ending it so fast....It has a very extraordinary beginning and quite lame ending. Haiyo, it's so fun, but an ending is also a new beginning right? But it had ended, I can't possibly rewind time, and that's the beautiful part, because of this.

Oh well, wasted two days..... doing nth, thinking of the unimportant stuffs, to be exact..... why? when I failed myself, I feel more inclined to fail again, and when I had succeeded, I became even more motivated to succeed again. A natural cycle huh? And it takes greater efforts than before to break it. So, come on, let's get back to the right track! Stop dreaming about wishful dreams that will never materialise and stop indulging in lame stuffs.

Okay, so I will start work now yay!

I have no idea why I'm posting a second post in the same day... But I won't have so much time to blog anywhere when the term start, or to go online in Msn, class blog, or facebook and YouTube. But isn't that the nice part too? :D

I shall end with two random phrases told from some other friends from some convos just yesterday:

"Awkwardness is only a choice, when both parties are mature enough to understand"

"Each one of us has different preferences. Imagine what the world would be like when we all go for the same kind of things, and everyone like the same type of people... You could say it's destiny that we are fixed to offer variety, but things are just the ways they are." An Ending is also a New Beginning~ 0 comments

For some time, I finally decided to blog, publicly. But it still doesn't matter because people will still thought my blog is private XP But I am quite frustrated that I took so long to find and edit the new blogskin, I figured it is wiser not to change blogskin.... but I don't think like background so dark, oh well, I will just change the colours. Well, let see how open I can be.... How long will it last. I know I am going to be wrong, because this's different.

But hey that's not the main point. Many things had taken place this 6 months since the start of 2009. Interesting and exciting, disappointing and melancholy. I wish I had written about them, but I'm often lazy. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, what would I do if time had given me a chance... But I shouldn't be restrained by this illusions, things had happened and I still have a long way to go.

I remembered planning to do so much during to June Holiday, but I had failed, little had been done. Although this is my first holiday that I had alienated myself from all those games, most of my time are still not in best use, my homework still left undone, and many books untouched. Yet, I told myself that I would cherish the next holiday. That's just procrastinating, how many times had it happened? I had left a few more days to term 3. I promised myself to finish my homework and revision of mid-year. There's little time left... But I know that term 3 would be more hectic, even more extraordinary because of my tight schedule but I want to make it happen and persist on. Someday, I know I will succeed, if I really want to.

Another depressing issue is the H1N1 virus that may postponed our second class outing. These kind of incidents are inevitable, I guess. I think I will spend less time on the computer and focused on my schoolwork and those stuffs

Looking back on my wrecked past, pondering on the untouched , daring to go for the impossible, and creating another world of possibility~


A decision you should be making,
A problem should be solving,
A possiblity you should be examining,
A project you should be starting,
A goal you should be reaching,
An opportunity you should be seizing,
A dream you should be fulfilling.June Holiday Reflections 2009~ 0 comments

PROFILE
Leishi
2nd June 1994
XMS

10A1s 'O'levels

RJC

Knowledgeable

Performing

Mathematics

Physics

Reading/Discovering

Writing/Literature

Piano

Dance

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• Blog of another kind
• Smile Of Everything
• Post-Exam
• CHINESE/ Addictions to Maths
• Pre-post exams/Chinese Paper
• Resumed Blogging
• Such a Failure
• Hurray!
• This week review
• Stressed!

302
Sherry
Samantha
Junkai
Marcus
Chelsea
Yamei
Claudia
Theodore
Liren
Shawn

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